Finally thought of something interesting to write on my
xanga; Enjoy
Life in the Corporate World
Lots of people dream or want to work in those big
corporations where all the money is at.
Here is how it is from a true perspective from my years of experience
along with many of my colleagues.
Types of people you
will meet
- The lazy head boss
He gives you all the bitch
work. Has no idea on how to do your work
and expects you to meet deadlines. He
takes long lunch breaks which doesn’t include a stop to the barber shop,
picking up his dry cleaning, and going on lunch dates with that new chick that
he hired.
- The Suck up worker
This is the employee that does
everything to impress their bosses. They
come to work an hour early and leave right on time. They treat the boss as a god and will snitch
on you any moment they get. Other
employees hate these guys because something is always stuck up their asses.
- Typical Employee
The real employee does just enough
to not get fired. He comes to work late every
so often and leaves early every chance he gets.
A typical day on the job for him would be deleting all his penis
enlargement emails, avoid the boss at all cost, and daydream about who he would
like to have sex with at the work place or how he would give the middle finger
to his boss if he won the lottery.
Things you will
notice.
- All the big corporate have AIM blocked
I worked at Coca-Cola,
GlaxoSmithKline, and Merck which all had some way of blocking instant
messaging. But they could never stop a
PC nerd like me from finding some way to go on anyways. Hey, I needed something to do to keep me
awake.
- Women never get along with each other.
Put 100 women on one floor and I’ll
guarantee you that even the most truly innocent woman there have been called a
bitch, slut, and whore from at least 20 of the other girls. They won’t say it directly but you can tell
by their smile. They just hate on each
other most of the time for no legitimate reasons at all.
- How did they get that position?
The question that ponders in your
mind when you see someone higher than you that is completely unqualified (dumb
as shit). Then you realize it when
someone tells you that he is a related to someone higher up or that they slept
with these certain people to get there.
- Typical Group projects
You have a person that just agrees
with the crowd. You have the type that
just acts like they know what is going on.
You have that one person that does most of the work. Then there is that stubborn person that wants
things to be done their way. This all adds up to one miserable project.
Invaluable Tips
- Learn how to talk
Brains and skills in your field
will only keep your job secure, but if you know how to work your mouth
especially when talking to those higher up.
You will get promoted much faster my friend. Explains why some people become managers even
thou you are more skillful than them.
- Always dress nice
Dry clean your clothes! Smell good,
shave often, get your daily hair cuts, and always dress professional because it
will give you the psychological advantage.
If you come to work with a wrinkled shirt and your hair looking like you
just woke up, how would you think if you were that person’s boss?
- Act Confident if you know, and say I don’t
know if you don’t know.
If you know what you are doing,
look straight at their eyes and tell them in a relaxed confident manor. This gives you the psychological x factor
edge. It makes them walk away and
prevents them from explaining things further.
If you don’t think you can do it.
Don’t waste their time and just say I don’t know. If they ask why you don’t know, than just
tell I am not going to sit here and act like I know and waste
your valuable time. But it all depends
on the situation so be wise.
Conclusion: This
applies to big corporations and maybe some medium size ones. I am bored of the corporate world and need
something more challenging. But for
those who are interested it is not so bad at all compared to all the other jobs
out there. Watch Office Space, one of the funniest office movies ever.
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